Recently a small family came together with the hopes of the father/husband saying yes to treatment. There was scepticism from the family their loved one would agree, but my colleague and I both were both convinced he would say yes. [updated March 2023]
Part of the intervention process is family members speaking their truth on how their love one's behaviours has affected them. The words below is what the daughter said to her father. This was, in part, the catalyst for the father to say yes, without a doubt.
Wow is all I can say about this mature (under 20) young lady who read the letter she wrote to her dad during the intervention (family meeting).
(Dad accepted the help of treatment and is doing very well.)
We share here letter below, with her permission, with the hopes of helping someone else.
I hope you know that we all love you and want what's best for you. You won’t lose your family but we can’t go back to the way before, we can only move forward.
But I’m scared what's going to happen to you if you can’t see that. We all feel this way. All I’ve ever known is who you are as a drug addict and I just want to get to know who you really are. When I talk to you about going to treatment you talk as though you know it won’t help — but it will. You just need to be open to getting better and accepting help.
You wouldn’t tell a person with cancer not to get treatment just because they don’t understand the treatment or because the treatment will be painful and challenging. It’s going to be a fight but it could mean your life.
I feel as though I’ve never gotten to know you. We have never seemed to be able to connect the way I’d like us to. There was always something between us and now I finally know what it is.
As I’ve gotten older we’ve drifted even further and further apart and that will only continue if you don’t get help. Now that I know the truth, I’ve said that my conditions of us having a relationship are for me to see you make an effort to get better. I need to see you get treatment.
Even though the situations are nowhere near the same, I have struggled with mental and physical health issues and I had to make an effort to get better. I couldn’t just avoid the things that made me feel bad — I had to do more. So I asked for help, I went to therapy, I went on medication and I really worked so that I could feel happy and love myself.
With mental health like this you can’t just take a pill and think everything will go away. You have to heal yourself and work on getting better. Just like if you had a broken leg you would make sure to rest your leg so you could get better and you wouldn’t just jump back up like it was fine and say that you could handle it yourself, you would get professional help. This is like physical therapy for your mind.
I want you to get better so we can have a better relationship.
I want to see you get better and build a life for yourself. I want to spend christmas with you every year for many more years. I want to be proud of you and to be comfortable with you. But that won’t happen if you don't take action. You have to take action for your actions.
You’re not the same 20 year old who went to rehab all those years ago. You’re a parent, you have kids now who depend on you and who need to see you as someone who they can trust and be cared by. You’ve made your choices and now you have to take action for your mistakes.
I love you and I’m asking you to do this for your family, for me and for yourself.
Does your loved one need help?
Interventions and families are powerful motivators. As an Interventionist, witnessing a family courageously sharing their truth with their loved-one is a beautiful experience.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all rainbows and unicorns. The event is highly emotional, and requires a calm and measured Interventionist to facilitate.
If you would like to talk, please contact me any time. We can arrange for a no-charge confidential consultation. There’s no obligation or pressure to make a decision.
– Michael
